i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
