So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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