I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
