My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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