my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
