I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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