I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
