Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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