so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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