Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He shit in the fireplace
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
