I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
