I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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