ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
