sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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