Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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