we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
