i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
