your thong is hanging out like whoa
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
