My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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