That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
