Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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