dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
