TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
