Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
