my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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