I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
