I just pynch a tree in the face
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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