Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
