it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
