Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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