Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
