your parents love me but you hate me
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
