Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
