please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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