Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
