I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
