I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
