Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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