Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
