ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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