I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
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