I have demons in me.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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