Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
