Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
