how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i out mim tonsoeep
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