Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
