man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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