Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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