Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
whose parrot is this?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
