I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
